Genetic cancer of the womb
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Other I just realised that, had he lived, my son would have been 21 this month. What does it signify that recollection of this anniversary should strike me as a surprise? Am I becoming callous?
Or are the waters closing at last over the memory of that unendurable loss? The boy died around We named him Tom and buried him eight days later on my 48th birthday. He was a baby at 24 weeks of gestation.
His mother and genetic cancer of the womb had stilled his life. There is a part of my mind which genetic cancer of the womb wonders how an adult can go on living at all after committing such an unnatural act, let alone be merry in daily life, as I usually am, and largely at ease with my conscience.
His brain was distended, his ears were oddly placed viermi marini his skull, he had a double cleft palate, a hole in his heart, overgrown liver and kidneys, a ruptured spleen and rocker feet — in which the bone grows out in a pointed curve behind the heel. We were assured at the hospital that there was at least a 90pc chance that he would die in the womb, an additional likelihood that he would not survive labour if his mother carried him to term and a near certainty that, if he was delivered, he would die soon after birth.
With such crippling disorders, every moment of whatever life he lived was certain to be comprehensively disabled. That excruciating perception was a key consideration in our decision to terminate his existence. We came to believe it was our duty to him as loving parents.
I can say, however, that after my girlfriend had suffered a full labour to deliver a dead baby and I held in my hand his little corpse — stretching only from the tip of my middle finger to the base of my thumb — I could see plainly and unmistakably that he could not have lived.
Credit: PA Two points remain, however, of more general importance. We were very inadequately informed and counselled.
Our understanding was pitifully incomplete, largely pieced together out of one talk with a consultant and snippets of hearsay. Our local general hospital where the termination was effected gave us the false impression that it was a common event.
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Nobody told us that the chances of conceiving a second Trisomy 13 baby would be millions to one against. If we had known of the existence of SOFT Support Organisation for Trisomywe would certainly have learned more; but nobody pointed us in that direction. Our misprision over the incidence of that Trisomy led to misunderstandings and conflicts between me and my girlfriend which — more than the trauma of the abortion itself — were eventually to prove fatal to the relationship.
That bereavement was as painful as the loss of the child who was never to be, making it a double tragedy. Talking some years later to a journalist who had studied couples with severely disabled babies, I found out for the first time that very many such relationships are fractured by the experience.
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It may be, then, that people in this position need to be more carefully guided and sensitively supported to understand and come to terms with such a profoundly shocking event. In my experience, the NHS comes up short here.
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The other point is not capable of social resolution or repair. We sexual mammals exist basically to reproduce, to suckle and to nurture our young and to let them go when they reach their majority, around the age of 21; not to determine whether they should live or die. When God commanded Genetic cancer of the womb to sacrifice his son, he removed from the father the moral responsibility for the decision and the deed.
Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, my girlfriend and I had no such consolation.